Skip to main content

Coaching Questions from the Wild

ยท 10 min read
Andy Reid
Andy the Muppit

Tanya Edgar PCC posted a simple question and the comments turned into one of the best coaching workshops I have seen online. Thanks everyone.

A few years ago I thought all non-sport coaches were fake. I would never have read a thread like this, let alone saved it. But coaching changed the way I listen, the way I speak with my family, and eventually led me to train as a coach myself.

I went through every comment and pulled out the following 150 questions.

Questions that return ownership to the client

  • What are you hoping I'll say? (Tanya Edgar PCC)
  • What is it YOU want? (Ruth Hoyal)
  • What do you want? (Xenia Angevin)
  • What do you want? (Tibor Sator)
  • And if you knew, what would it be? (Xenia Angevin)
  • What do you want this year that you don't have? (Sally Jenner)
  • So what is it you don't want? (Sharon Marsden)
  • What do you want in this situation? (Victoria Delebis)
  • What do you need? (Jacob Aldridge)
  • What does your gut say? (Polly May)
  • If you were me, what question would you ask now? (Nick Halder)
  • What question would you like me to ask? (Victoria Karo)
  • What question would you like me to ask you now? (Stephanie Allen)
  • What's the question I need to ask you right now? (Susan Walbrook)
  • What's the bit you already know but haven't said out loud yet? (Andrew Bucklee)
  • What do you already know but aren't letting yourself act on yet? (Lee Wright)
  • If you already trusted yourself fully, what decision would you make right now? (Audrey Cremoux ACC)
  • If you already trusted yourself here, what would the decision be? (Brianna Johnston)
  • What would change if you fully trusted yourself here? (Negar Farahmand)
  • What would you do here if you trusted your own judgment? (Kevin T Taylor)
  • What would this look like if you trusted yourself just 10% more? (Michelle Hibbert)
  • What would happen if you gave yourself permission and trusted yourself? (Tae D.)
  • If they did know, what would the answer be? (Deborah Goldstein)
  • If I tossed a coin to decide, which way would you hope it falls? (Dawn Henning-Reeman)
  • What do you think? (ST Rappaport)

Questions that surface fear and avoidance

  • What are you avoiding by staying stuck here? (Attanacia Ifeanyi)
  • What are you avoiding by staying here? (Aaryan Advani)
  • What are you avoiding by not deciding? (Teddy Hristova Williams)
  • What are you avoiding deciding right now? (Joao Prates)
  • Are you more afraid of failing or succeeding with this? (Andy Campbell)
  • What are you really afraid of? (NoorJehan Arif)
  • What's the worst that would happen? (NoorJehan Arif)
  • If that were to come true, what's the worst that could realistically happen? (Laura Baringer)
  • What do you fear me asking? (Dawn Henning-Reeman)
  • If I said the exact wrong thing right now, what would it be? (Giovanni Crocco)
  • When are you going to get out of your own way? (Stella Round)
  • What standard are you protecting by staying the same? (Dilshan Delpachithra)
  • Is there anything you don't want to tell me? (Chloe Aldam)

Questions that challenge the story

  • What evidence do you have that what you just said is true? (Sarah Short)
  • Is that a fact or a feeling? (Amie Nazaruk-Wheeler)
  • How true is that? (Craig Carey)
  • Who taught you that? (Lyssa Leigh Jackson)
  • Why do you have to? Who says you do? (Hema Kanji-Vyas)
  • What would you rather believe? (Brittany Brown)
  • Is that part of your story or one that's been crafted for you? (Lucy Hoch)
  • What stories are you telling yourself about this? (Sam Beech)
  • And how is that working for you? (Becky Field)
  • And how is that serving you? (James C.)
  • What is this serving? / How is this serving you? / How has this served you? (Laura Ortiz)
  • What is [this behaviour] costing you right now? (Audrey Wiggin MCC)
  • If nothing changed, what would that be costing you? (Karen Bashford)
  • What gives you cause to choose to believe that...? (Chris Hallett)
  • And what's the best story you can tell yourself about this? (Jackie Simmons)
  • And what is the truth/evidence? (Jackie Simmons)
  • What would this look like if it were actually sustainable? (Paraag Amin)
  • What would need to be true for that to work? (Victor Odey)

Questions that explore values and purpose

  • What values are important to you in this? (Julia Slay)
  • Which of your values is being compromised here? (Marwa Elmarkabi)
  • How does that serve your values? (Maureen Brettell)
  • How will you protect your values better next time? (Tatjana Dragosavac)
  • For what purpose? (Rachel Randolph)
  • What do you hope comes from this? (Firooz Firoozmand)
  • When you look back on your life and career, what do you want to be known for? (Andrew Dollaghan)
  • What does the word money mean to you? (Billy Zerillo)
  • What does the word wealth mean to you? (Billy Zerillo)

Questions that go deeper

  • What's not being said? (Dr Clare Beckett-McInroy)
  • What are you not saying? (Pamela DeNeuve)
  • What are you thinking but not saying? (Max Vialou-Clark)
  • What are you hearing yourself say? (Daniela Corallo)
  • Because...? (Dr Clare Beckett-McInroy)
  • And specifically...? (Dr Clare Beckett-McInroy)
  • And what else? (Lee Marinaki)
  • What else? (Nicola Forbes-Taylor FCIPD)
  • What's important about that? (Natalie Ashton CPCC)
  • And what does that do for you? (Liam Churchman)
  • What belief is emerging here? (Marwa Elmarkabi)
  • How do you feel about that? (Natalie Tucker)
  • What's bubbling up for you right now? (Dave Camm)
  • What's present for you right now? (Charlotte DelSignore)
  • When you pause and connect to yourself, where is the energy? (Vanessa Juby)
  • What is the problem? (Rob De Silva)
  • What is the real issue/problem at play here? (Leigh Hartnett)
  • Can you summarise it all into one sentence? (Leigh Hartnett)
  • Where else does this play out? (Dr Clare Beckett-McInroy)
  • What's the role this pattern might be playing right now? (Stephanie Holder)
  • Aside from X, what's everything else you haven't been paying attention to that's important to Y? (Deano Delpleash)
  • What type of emotional state would you need to be in to hit the bullseye here? (Damian Gauntlett)
  • What does this mean about you? (Robyn Drew)
  • What role do you play in your story? (Sophie Bellon-Cable)
  • How old is the version of you who feels that way? (Aly Larkin)
  • Tell me about you. Who are you without the titles? (Tarra Bishop)
  • What did you love to do as a child? (Julie Norton)
  • What's the story behind your tears? (Kate Hearn)
  • What's the mountain or hill like you're trying to climb? (Alison Smith)
  • How do your needs and wants interact in this situation? (Victoria Delebis)
  • How is this connected to [their problem]? (ST Rappaport)

Questions that shift perspective

  • If nothing changes, what advice would your future self give you today? (Kathryn Barrow)
  • If you could speak to yourself 6 months from now, what would you want to say? (Stella Round)
  • If you could go back, what would you do differently? (Solange Lavander)
  • What would you tell your best friend to do here? (Kim Murphy)
  • What would you tell your best friend about this situation? (Rebecca Lowman)
  • What would you say to your best friend or partner if they asked you that? (Lina Rimasauskiene)
  • What would you tell a friend in their position? (Deborah Goldstein)
  • If someone you deeply care for was in the exact same situation, what question would you ask them? (Anna Rasmussen)
  • If you were observing yourself in this conversation, what would you be thinking? (Jim Constable)
  • If you were meeting yourself for the first time, what impression would you get? (Sharon Marsden)
  • If your life was a movie, what would happen next? (Sophie Bellon-Cable)
  • What would this look like if it were easy? (Tanya Edgar PCC)
  • What if making this simple was your only option? (Kim Holland)
  • How much will this still matter to you next week, next month and next year? (Rachel Gillett FRSA)
  • Is there another way to look at the situation you just described? (Alina Kirshon-Goldman)
  • What solution can you find in the problem? (Astrid Alvarez)
  • What would Batman do? (Damian Gauntlett)
  • How would the worst version of yourself approach this? (Damian Gauntlett)
  • If you weren't allowed to start again, how would you position what already exists to make this work? (Natalie Tran)
  • What does the next hole look like? (Angela Tye-Galichet)
  • Paint me a word picture of what that looks like. (David Tucker GAICD)

Questions that open up possibility

  • What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? (Brittany Brown)
  • What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? (Christine Ware)
  • If you had a magic wand, what would you do? (Nick Halder)
  • If you had a magic wand, how would you use it now? (Radhika Khandelwal ACC)
  • If there were no limits, what would you choose? (Katarina Polonska)
  • If you could have anything, what would that look like? (Elton Daddow)
  • If you had three wishes, what would you use them for? (Nick Heap)
  • What would you like to be out there? (Zoe Schofield)
  • Imagine your life after making this change. What does that look like, and how do you feel? (Nicole Mapleson CCWP)
  • When you achieve this, what will that feel like? (Robert Storrie)
  • What would be different, felt and experienced, if you really committed to this? (Lou Quenzer)
  • How do you want [this] to feel? (Rebecca R.)

Questions that create movement

  • What would you do differently on Monday? (Andrew Barry)
  • What's the next step? (Stephen Lock)
  • By when? (Bob Conlin)
  • How can you...? (Phil Drinkwater)
  • What else could you do? (Laurence Patricia Alexandre)
  • What haven't you tried? (Roshini Muralidharan)
  • What's the smallest thing, requiring the least possible effort, could you do today to get started? (Sara Jubb)
  • What do you need to let go of to achieve your goal? (Laura Willis)
  • Where do you still have choice here, even if it's small? (Linda Steinbock)
  • When that is happening, what are you doing differently? (Mike Cardus)
  • How are you taking this learning forward? (Marwa Elmarkabi)
  • If this was working six months from now, what would you have stopped doing first? (Sherry Shinde)
  • How will you know when this is no longer a problem/challenge? (Vicky Henderson)
  • What do you need in this situation to move toward your desired goals? (Victoria Delebis)
  • And what do you choose to do as a result? (Victoria Delebis)

Questions that invite reflection

  • What are you learning about yourself? (Dr Clare Beckett-McInroy)
  • What have you learned about yourself throughout the session? (Marwa Elmarkabi)
  • What do you know now that you didn't know before? (Kathleen Helm)
  • What has been your biggest takeaway from the session? (James Allen)
  • How were you able to handle that moment? (Edwin V.)
  • When you look back on your life and career, what made you happy? (Andrew Dollaghan)

The original post by Tanya Edgar PCC is worth reading for the context around each question. Many of the coaches explained when they use theirs and what it tends to unlock.

I used to think coaching was about giving people answers. It is not. It is about asking questions that help people find their own. This thread is proof that the simplest questions, asked at the right time, do the heaviest lifting.

I'm Andy, I may suck at many things but that doesn't stop me from trying.


Read more: Coaching and mentoring