The Song I Didn't Know I Had to Write
In December 2023 I was burnt out. I did not have a name for it then. Just symptoms: exhausted, unable to think straight, nearly 100kg, in what I can only describe as a pit of despair.
By June 2024 I had lost 20kg, reversed Type 2 Diabetes, and understood for the first time why I kept burning out. The catalyst was not a book, a coach, or a productivity system. It was writing a song.
In April I booked a solo break down South. On the last night I opened an email about an AI songwriters course and signed up. The irony: there was no AI in it. No Suno, no Udio. Just a structured process to write and finish something. The course was discontinued after my cohort.
I started with four chords on my guitar but the lyrics would not come. I changed my surroundings, recording voice memos while walking around Kings Park. I brought my guitar to work and let my self-consciousness go. The words found me.
First came "round and round" as I felt like I was stuck on a roundabout with no exit:
Round and round I go How far, I just don't know I'm spinning around Somebody please
Then "down and down" as I dug deeper. Finally "well of despair" arrived:
It's hard to explain I can't put my finger on it But I don't feel right I'm like a powder keg about to ignite Will I fight or die tonight?
I was writing about burnout without realising it. I had accidentally turned the assignment into a therapy session.
The finished song has a turn at the end that I did not plan:
I'm pulling myself up Out of this hole Fight and stay alive I'm going to fight to survive
The despair transformed into hope. The lyrics wrote themselves that way and I did not force it.
What I learned: I was never fulfilled. The hit of pleasure when completing a project was fleeting. I sought bigger projects, impossible ones, and completing them was still not enough. My self-imposed pressure started at college when I finally excelled after failing school. I chased achievement ever since, always saying yes, never asking why.
Carol Dweck's Mindset does not cover the long-term cost of persistence. I was raised in a growth mindset family, though that word was never used. I was very persistent in my endeavours, and that persistence accelerated my burnout cycles. The same trait that helped me succeed was slowly destroying me.
I have since changed my operating model. Instead of persistence alone, I now use persistent direction with perseverant problem solving. The direction stays steady. The tactics change when reality hulk smashes me.
For the first time I am sharing it publicly. The full story, embedded audio, and my other original songs are at sphere.muppit.au/burnout
It is rough, it may not be music, but it is real and is exactly what I needed to climb out of my pit.
If you are burnt out, you probably do not need another productivity system. You might need something that forces you to sit with how you actually feel. The medium matters less than the honesty.
The lyrics will find you if you let them.
Read more: Burnout and Recovery