Physical Recovery
This is my sequence of actions that helped me escape burnout, from deep despair to hopefulness.
At the start of this I did not know I was burnt out or what the word really meant. In reflection I have been through many cycles of burnout, with the last (and hopefully final) one being the worst.
I was on auto-pilot, existing but not living. I felt I was a butler, a servant, to my family, not part of them, more an outsider looking in. I don't feel that way now, but that is how it was in my burnout.
I was f*cked. High stress, extremely tired, poor health, low fitness, high weight. In a pit of despair.
I recall sitting on the bed, struggling to do my pants up when I made a decision to weigh myself then and there and see how bad it was and to accept it. 20kg overweight with a BMI greater than 30. This was my starting point.
I set two immediate goals: weigh 80kg and get my BMI to under 25.
I immediately went to the shops to find replacements for my habits of chocolate, biscuits and ice cream. I chose nuts, protein cookies and no-sugar chocolate bars, portioned for work.
Then I focused on the weight and started running again. My local parkrun was great for that, every Saturday morning at 8am for 5km. It helped me establish a routine so that it became automatic. The night before I would get my running clothes out and put them next to my bed.
For food I started a subscription with Muscle Chef and had meals delivered.
I stopped eating lunch and instead walked or ran around Kings Park every weekday. When I was walking I stopped thinking about it as exercise and just enjoyed the sights, sounds and smells. I listened to inspirational stories through the Apple Health Time to Walk series. For running I started with Apple's Time to Run series and then moved back to Nike's guided runs. Some of them moved me to tears.
I was connecting with my environment for the first time, and looked forward to it every day. Instead of something I had to do, I wanted to do it.
Some of the work I was doing didn't align with my values so I quit, and learnt to say no.
I took all of my long service leave in a continuous block of 7 weeks. I had always held onto it as a backup fund but it was much more valuable than I could ever have known.
Taking that time off from work, with zero contact or thought about work during it, gave me space for the first time in my life to focus on me, my needs, what drives me, what is good and what is toxic.
Having a great coach was also important to uncover things that were there but I couldn't see. Thanks Neville.
These steps didn't just happen instantly, they took time, from December to May.
But I hadn't dealt with the root cause of my burnout yet. The six months were getting my physiological state ready, weight and physical health all green and on target, because if I didn't deal with it fully then history would repeat itself again.
That was easy in comparison to the journey my mental health was about to take.
Read more: Physical Recovery