Tenacity and Burnout
I had just turned 16. She was older.
I was on holiday with my family at a Butlins holiday camp somewhere in Wales that doesn't exist anymore. I was also very shy around girls.
One evening just me and my dad were at the bar. It had a dance floor with some tables and chairs around it. I met a Welsh lad my age and we hit it off, with my dad buying drinks for a pound.
We hit the floor, dancing to Don't Leave Me This Way and Rock Me Amadeus.
I found myself attracted to a girl dancing with her friend.
After some time, once they sat down, I plucked up the courage to ask her to dance. Her friend shot me down.
With my tail between my legs I returned to my mate and sank another beer. Thanks dad. He left me some change for beer.
This is the moment my life would never be the same again.
The girl I liked came over to our table, sat down and looked me right in the eyes.
She spoke six simple words to me.
"You need to be more tenacious."
I didn't know what tenacious meant, so I asked her.
She said "you should have continued to ask me to dance despite my friend telling you to piss off."
My mind was blown.
In the fires of our passion that burned for three months, tenacity was etched into my soul and became one of my core beliefs. One of the stories I told myself about how to operate in the world.
It served me well ... until it didn't.
Being tenacious isn't a problem on its own. But when coupled with my other traits it made me keep pushing even when my body told me to stop.
I took on more, for longer, with fewer recovery gaps. Persistence turned into grinding when good enough never arrived. Work expanded to fill evenings, weekends, every waking moment because I could always do just a bit more.
If your tenacity looks like continuing because you cannot tolerate stopping then you may be on the path to burnout.
If that sounds like you, there is hope. It can be changed. I am living proof. Even after nearly 40 years of telling that story to myself.
Pairing tenacity with flexibility, recovery discipline, boundaries and alignment to your values can protect you against burnout, not drive you towards it.
I'm Andy, I may suck at many things but that doesn't stop me from trying.
Read more: Burnout and recovery